VBVW for December 8, 2006:
A Confederacy of Dunces

• The Very Best

NASA announced plans to have permanent, inhabitable outposts on the moon by 2024. The stated goals of the ambitious program are to explore commercial and scientific possibilities, including human habitation of other planets. It’s encouraging to know that once we burn, destroy, and pollute all the resources available on our own gigantic planet, we can get started on another.

Hewlett-Packard Co. agreed to pay $14.5 million to settle an investigation by California’s attorney general over the spying tactics used to uncover boardroom leaks. The money will be used to finance a fund to fight privacy and intellectual property violations. Here’s a suggestion: if you want to keep your life private, don’t ever buy a computer.

Working wages are outpacing inflation for the first time in four years. An average hourly wage of $16.31 (for nonmanagerial positions) may not sound like much, but that’s up by 2.8% from a year ago. The increase in buying power is just in time help people afford stupid junk for Christmas.

• The Very Worst

The Government Accountability Office reported that FEMA’s spending on Katrina aid is largely wasted. The agency has squandered tens of millions of dollars, such as giving $17 million in rental payments to people living in free trailers and apartments. FEMA knows that it has given more than $1 billion in fraudulent aid, but so far has only recouped $7 million. This agency has more idiots than a Three Stooges retrospective.

A watchdog group at the Interior Department says that oil companies are skipping out on royalty payments. While the Interior says it has “reviewed” about 72 percent of all revenues from federal leases, the report shows that it examined only 9 percent of all properties and 20 percent of all companies—and it takes the others at their word. That money is paid by oil companies to the landowners, namely the people of the United States. Next time you wince at the gas pump, you can thank your government for doing all it can to make sure you’re getting screwed.

Taco Bell is responsible for more than 100 cases of E. coli across seven states. Yes, their food tastes like crap, and now it actually contains crap.