VBVW for March 23, 2007:
Wal-Mart Good! No, Wait . . .

• The Very Best

Beef from the U.S. is being sold in Japan after a long ban due to concerns over mad cow disease. It may not seem like much, but disease-free cows prove that America can finally sell something to another country.

The alternative minimum tax will be finally be frozen in the new $2.9 trillion congressional budget. Because it was never adjusted for inflation, millions of households have had to pay this higher tax, which was created in 1970 to catch scofflaw millionaires. But hey, with inflation, who isn’t a millionaire?

The Smithsonian ousted its CEO for sneaking expenses into his budget, like having his home chandelier cleaned — despite the fact that he made more than $900,000 a year. And Wal-Mart filed suit against a former executive, an Ann Coulter-wannabe who gave away the company’s advertising business in exchange for a case of vodka and some nice dinners. Maybe the bad guys are finally getting theirs.

• The Very Worst

It was reported this week that Wal-Mart flew a special investigator all the way to Guatemala to spy on a manager who was doinking a lower-level employee — a violation of the company’s personnel policy. The investigator busted the manager when he put his ear to a hotel door and heard “moans and sighs” from inside. Employees who work below their managers are forbidden from doing so in a bed.

Iran is holding 15 British soldiers captive despite satellite evidence that the soldiers were taken at gunpoint in Iraqi waters. Iran wants an apology from England for invading its space. Excuse us, but didn’t the free world go through this with Iran during the Jimmy Carter era? We don’t believe in nuclear weapons, but enough is enough already.

Anna Nicole Smith died of an overdose — surprise! CNN kept images of Anna Nicole Smith’s chiselled and windswept come-hither face on its website all week, as did many other news outlets, earning themselves journalistic respect on a par with magazine. In retrospect, one wonders if there would be any coverage at all had Anna still been a fast-food fatty the size of Rosie O’Donnell on a cruise ship.