VBVW for May 4, 2007:
Royalty, Roids, Rupert, and Rednecks

• The Very Best

Paris Hilton is going to jail for 45 days. Maybe there really is a God.

Rupert Murdoch is trying to buy Dow Jones, the company that owns The Wall Street Journal. Despite his propensity for schlocking up almost everything he touches, we gotta give Rupe credit for his willingness to invest billions in the printed word.

The baseball commission investigating steroid use has reportedly called more than 30 current players to testify about using performance-enhancing drugs. Man, just in time — Barry Bonds is only 13 homers from breaking the record.

• The Very Worst

The 1969 Dodge Charger known as the “General Lee” on Dukes Of Hazzard was sold at auction for nearly $10 million, making it the most expensive card ever sold. Two things: why does anybody care so much about a car that was featured in a B-grade TV show, and when did rednecks get so rich?

Elizabeth II came to America to see the country where Britain started losing its grip on the world. Big deal. If the Brits wanted to send us old, shrivelled, no-longer-working queens, we would have preferred Freddy Mercury.

Our nation’s capitol may have its very own Heidi Fleiss in Deborah Jean Palfrey, the “DC Madam.” Palfrey’s $300 per hour service features escorts over the age of 50 whom the madam describes as “some of the most popular women on staff.” Question is, on whose staff?