VBVW for June 22, 2007:
Whacked

• The Very Best

The U.S. is one step closer to disarming North Korean nukes, thanks to a visit to Pyongyang this week by assistant secretary of state Christopher Hill. Sources say Hill may take negotiations even further next time if he can resist referring to dictator Kim Jong-Il as “cutie pie.”

Medical researchers studying the effect of a new treatment for Parkinson’s Disease are “extremely encouraged” by the results of their gene therapy. As reported in the British medical journal The Lancet, 12 patients with the degenerative disease showed significant improvement of symptoms (jerking, trembling) with no apparent side effects.

After 6 days of darkness, VBVW.com came back online. It’s alright now. Shhhh. Everything is going to be okay.

• The Very Worst

A slave labor ring in Western China was broken up when authorities stormed a brick factory in the Shanxi province. Young boys and full-grown men had been snatched off the street, sold for about $18, then forced to work 14-hour days in hellish factories under the watch of barbaric guards. One of the freed slaves reported being beaten daily in the head and on his legs with sticks and broken pieces of brick.

When Hillary Clinton spoofed the Sopranos finale in a campaign video this week, she showed a little humor, a little stugots, and incredibly bad judgment by choosing a Celine Dion tune for her campaign song. Unfortunately, the ending was as disappointing as Tony’s own last scene, as Hillary was not clipped in the final frame. Bill Clinton cameo’d in Carmella’s role, suggesting that at some recent point in time his penis may have been whacked.

A 13-year old girl’s feet were severed above the ankle while she was on a thrill ride at a Six Flags amusement park in Kentucky. Apparently, the recently renamed Superman Tower of Power malfunctioned during its 154-foot drop and caused the double amputation. Perhaps Six Flags should have waited a little longer to change the ride from its original name: The Hellevator.