VBVW for Oct 19: Good Enough For Government Work

• The Very Best •

Congrats to Ms. Kathleen Casey-Kirschling of New Jersey, the first baby-boomer to start collecting Social Security. The government should be able to pay at least another five or six boomers before coffers are empty.

Australian Prime Minister John Howard has proposed a plan that recognizes Aborigines in the country’s constitution. While British-descended whites have been in Australia for barely two hundred years, it’s touching that they’re just now getting around to acknowledging the indigenous people who predated their arrival by more than 10,000 years.

Evolution-naysayer Sam Brownback dropped out of the presidential candidate race. One idiot down, 15 to go.

• The Very Worst •

Libya, which recently accepted responsibility for the Lockerbie airplane bombing, has been named to the United Nations Security Council. No word on when the name of the council will officially be changed to the United Nations Kangaroo Court.

Is the chemical phthalate, used to soften the plastic in pacifiers, rubber ducks and baby teethers, responsible for developmental problems? The debate heated up this week with a call to ban phthalate in California. “A thousand rubber duckies and no science. I’ll take the science,” said Stevan Allen, spokesman for the American Chemistry Council. He’s phtho phthilly.

The Yankees offered manager Joe Torre a 23% pay cut to stick around for one more year. After leading the Yankees to 12 straight post-season appearances and four World Series, Torre obviously doesn’t deserve a raise, or thanks, for doing such a crappy job.