VBVW for November 2: Flying High, Flying Low

• The Very Best •

In the ramp-up to a Writer’s Guild strike, script and screenwriters have grabbed the television and film industries by the gonads and given ‘em a squeeze. Turns out that if you want to entertain people, someone has to write something entertaining.

Tennis star Martina Hingis retired from tennis after it was revealed that she had tested positive for cocaine at Wimbledon. Tennis fans all over the world are thanking God it wasn’t steroids.

A new biography of Gerald Ford quotes the late president candidly characterizing Clinton as sexually addicted, Hillary as having “unlimited ambition” and Nixon as “just plain stupid.” He also thought Bush should drop Cheney and that Reagan was not “technically competent.” In other words, he knew what we knew.

• The Very Worst •

A child has been identified as the firestarter in one of Southern California’s many recent megablazes. This kid alone scorched more than 30,000 acres and 63 buildings. Boy, is his allowance going to take a hit or what?

Singapore Airlines, which is flying the new A380 jet with 12 bedroom compartments, has asked passengers to refrain from joining the “mile-high club.” The reason? The compartments aren’t soundproof and sexplay could disturb the other passengers. We think the airline should consider that a promotional feature, not a drawback.

Australia’s Family First Party, which promotes family values, dropped Andrew Quah from their ticket after porn images of the candidate surfaced online. “But that’s not my penis,” he protested. Quah has since been nicknamed Australia’s Smallest Loser.