VBVW for November 16: Courtside Seats

• The Very Best •

O.J. Simpson goes back on trial, and neither Lance Ito or Marcia Clark are involved. We hope O.J.’s nickname will still be “The Juice” when he meets his new cellmates.

Barry Bonds is indicted on charges relating to alleged steroid use. Finally.*

Dennis Kozlowski, the arrogant and unrepentant CEO who stole tens of millions of dollars from investors in Tyco, celebrated his 61st birthday. The party was held in his cell at the Mid-State Correctional Facility in Marcy, N.Y.

• The Very Worst •

A wild monkey attacked and severely injured schoolchildren in New Delhi. The city now admits that the 20,000 monkeys roaming its streets are a serious danger, although the fact that the deputy mayor fell from his balcony and died last month while trying to fight off a group of monkeys should have been a tip off. These simians make the flying monkeys in The Wizard of Oz look like Curious George.

Mother Nature continues to wreak worldwide havoc on the shipping industry. Four ships, including an oil tanker, went down during storms in the Baltic, hot on the heels of storms in the North Sea that shut down oil rigs and halted sea traffic, and the crash of a cargo ship into San Francisco’s Bay Bridge. This is the kind of global sea change that would make Popeye consider changing careers.

A mutant version of the common cold virus has killed 10 otherwise healthy people in the last 18 months, the CDC announced, and doctors can’t offer patients much more than chicken soup. We’re starting to think the boy in the plastic bubble had the right idea.