VBVW for December 15: Performance Enhancers

• The Very Best •

Falcons quarterback and PETA poster boy Michael Vick was sentenced to 23 months in prison. Vick is to be remanded to a prison where we can only hope he’ll be treated like a labradoodle in heat.

Led Zeppelin’s reunion concert met with univeral acclaim. And while Robert Plant looks like Aqualung, the band played like it was 1975 all over again, providing the world with a tremendous, non-drug-induced flashback.

A coroner reported that metal vocalist Kevin DuBrow overdosed on cocaine. It’s a pity that anyone has to die, but if people want to cut right to the front of the line, we kind of wish Kevin had done it before the first Quiet Riot record.

• The Very Worst •

Lone gunmen shot up people in public spaces in Nebraska, Colorado and Las Vegas. At this rate, it might be safer to move to Baghdad.

Northeastern India is experiencing a phenomenon known as mautam — the “rat plague.” Millions of rats have shown up suddenly in the region and are destroying crops and eating stored food. Last month, VBVW reported on baboons running wild in the streets of New Delhi, India. And this is the country that’s taking all our computer jobs?

89 pro baseball players, including several potential Hall-of-Famers, are reported to have used steroids according to the findings of an independent investigation. Where have you gone, Joe DiMaggio?