VBVW for February 1, 2008: Turn On, Tune In, Buzz Off

• The Very Best

As the U.S. considers who will be next to lead us through the dark and difficult times ahead, a bright light has shone. Captain America lives again!

Undeterred by a looming threat from the DEA, inventor Vincent Mehdizadeh has installed three marijuana-dispensing vending machines in Los Angeles (including one at the Timothy Leary Medical Dispensary in the San Fernando Valley). If you have a medical permit you can buy dope at the press of a button. And when the munchies hit, you can go back for a Snickers.

The World Health Organization has reported a sharp decline in the number of deaths from malaria in Africa, thanks to widespread distribution of new meds and mosquito nets. WHO predicts they can drop rates by up to 85% in most African nations within five years.

• The Very Worst

You know that urban legend about the guy waking up from a rough night only to find that his kidneys had been removed? Well, more than 400 people in Gurgaon, India are living that legend. Day laborers were duped into accepting jobs and found themselves waking up on tables with no kidneys, and a group of doctors is suspected of selling the organs to rich foreigners. India, of course, is fast becoming the VERY WORST of everything, as the country is besieged by killer monkeys, a rat plague, and earthquakes. On the plus side, so far they’ve only taken American jobs, not American kidneys.

Tomas Delgado dropped his lawsuit against the family of a boy he killed in an auto accident. Driving an estimated 107 miles per hour, Delgado hit Enaitz Trinidad and his bicycle from behind, dragging the 17-year old more than 100 yards in the process. After being found not criminally liable for the death, Delgado had sued Enaitz’s family for damage sustained by his luxury Audi sedan in the crash.

The United Nations refugee agency claims that Thailand has refused to allow a group of 20 Kayan women from Burma to leave the country, despite offers to resettle them in Finland and New Zealand. The women, who have artificially elongated their necks using stacked brass rings, have become a Thai tourist attraction. The UN says authorities won’t let them leave their “human zoo” for fear of losing tourist dollars.