VBVW for June 27, 2008: Time Heals, Though Not Really

• The Very Best

Kids will have to walk farther to school as districts cut back on bus service due to the high cost of fuel. At first this seems like a Very Worst, but it’s really a win win: burn less gasoline, and at the same time get the little tykes to burn off some of that mounting childhood obesity.

The Phoenix Mars Lander has sampled Martian soil, and NASA scientists believe it contains the nutrients to support life. A spokesman said, “You may even be able to grow asparagus in it really well.” Way to dream big, space nerd.

After 33 years, Bill Gates is stepping away from Microsoft to dedicate his time to charitable causes. Now, is this a Very Best because his reign is ended or because he’s now a full-on philanthropist? C’mon, don’t be so cynical.

• The Very Worst

The U.S. Supreme Court overturned a ruling to have Exxon pay 2.5 billion in punitive damages for the Valdez disaster. It takes Exxon less than two days to make $2.5 billion in revenue (no joke). But 19 years after the spill, fisheries are still recovering.

George Carlin died. Everyone has eulogized him as the man who created “The Seven Words You Can’t Say On TV.” More importantly, he said “In America, anyone can become president. That’s the problem.” How right he was.

Hollywood cutie Anne Hathaway’s boyfriend defrauded his way into millions of dollars by claiming he was the CFO for the Vatican . . . and no one bothered to check. Holy Mother of God, how come we never thought of that one?