VBVW for July 4, 2008: Hit You Where You Live

• The Very Best

Fifteen hostages held by Columbian guerillas were saved in a daring rescue. French-Colombian politician Ingrid Betancourt and three Americans were among those flown to safety when captors thought they were being helicoptered to a meeting with rebel leader Alfonso Cano. Suckers!

The ball Barry Bonds hit to break the home run record was donated to the Baseball Hall of Fame, but not before its donor marked it with an asterisk to remind history of Bonds’ steroid controversy. Bonds called donor Marc Ecko “an idiot.” We call Bonds busted.

Gender-swapper Thomas Beatie, who began life as a woman, has given birth to a healthy child. The baby is a girl but can always get a penis later.

• The Very Worst

Anyone hoping to see gas drop below $4 again in their lifetime hasn’t been paying attention. While American politicians dither over whether or not we should be drilling for our own oil, OPEC told the U.S. to get ready for the price of oil to reach $170 a barrel by the end of the year. It’s currently at $145 a barrel.

Consumption of tofu, a soy-based staple of the super-healthy, may contribute to dementia in people past middle-age. Finding tofu flavorful or filling is already seen as an indication of mental lapse.

A district court judge in New York ruled that YouTube must divulge user data showing the viewing habits of every user who has ever viewed a vid on the site. If they’re looking at our data, we swear somebody else has been using our computer.