VBVW for September 19, 2008: Nonstop Train Wrecks

• The Very Best

In the aftermath of the fatal train crash in Los Angeles, transportation officials are proposing a ban on the use of cell phones by engineers. Now if they would only ban the use of cell phones by obnoxious passengers.

Rwanda is set to become the first country in the world where women will outnumber men in parliament. The hope is that they can do a better job than their male counterparts, who allowed the genocide of 800,000 Rwandans in 100 days back in 1994.

Top McCain aide and disgraced former Hewlett-Packard CEOCarly Fiorina stated that neither Senator McCain nor Governor Palin were qualified to run a business. She’s right, but her words take on additional poignancy when you consider that Fiorina couldn’t run a company, either.

• The Very Worst

Congratulations. As part of the U.S. government’s $85 billion taxpayer bailout of AIG, you are now the owner of the world’s largest insurance company. Try not to mess it up.

Holy potty-mouth, Batman. When a “printing error” left some bad words — and some very bad words — in the dialogue balloons of characters from All-Star Batman #10, publishers DC comics tried to pull the edition before it hit the newsstands. They’d have better luck using their Bat De-fucker-upper.

Suspicions that a soccer player was using witchcraft during a match in eastern Congo sparked a riot that killed 13 people, most whom were children between the ages of 11 and 16. The victims were crushed as panicked crowds ran for the exits. None of this would have happened during a Quidditch match.